hurt.. twice....

never again will i trust him ever... i can't believe it ended again.. and the reason???he might have to study and work soon.. and he'll be that busy that he can't keep me company.. so we should break up.. and the way he tells me??/

comes to pick me up from school.. and then holds my hand n says,
"dahlin, i have something to tell u."
"do u think we should be together?" (bastard.. don't u think u should have asked urself that before u asked for another chance?)
"i just spoke with my manager.. she can talk to the main boss and i might be able to go back sooner than expected!"
"if i do go back,i'll be very busy.. will have no time for u.."
"so how?"
"so how"...
to which i say it is up to him cos it makes no difference to me already...in my heart i know it's not going anywhere.. and it will end.. yet i still waited.. hoping.. maybe i'm silly to hope for something as impossible and miraculous..i have my other options and choices.. i pushed everything away just for him.. again,mind u.. for the second time i allowed myself to be vulnerable... and he chose to break it again..
was it just a game to u? just cos i was the one to say break up the first time?but still even the first time it was because u changed.. cos u "thought" (ya he said he thought) u liked someone else.. right?so u just wanted to be the one to do the dumping this time round?i thought this time u'd be serious.. sure u were.. u were seriously determined to ruin my life once again..
i really had forgotten all about u.. even the occasional bumping into u had no effects whatsoever on me.. then u had to do it again...why? is it fun? do u feel amused? well im not!!i'm using every inch of my will power to not curse u rite now.. every urge not to take my dad's car.. look for my friends to bash u up..but that's no point is it? i'll be stooping to ur level.. as i'd told u in the car.. i really never wish to have to see u again..
so if u read this.. or any of u who noes him... please let him noe i think he's a... and i never ever want to see his face ever again..if u happen to see me walk away.. or let me noe.. so i can go away.. it'll save us both the trouble..honestly i won't be nice.. won't be courteous anymore.. u r really a..... do u noe how much i'd given up for u? how many chances how many outings how many friends.. all lost just because of u.. u should noe rite? last year.. im being a real bitch n bringing this up cos i want the world to noe i regret.. i regret the day i refused to listen to my frens.. those who told me i shud think again when i told them bt u!! i regret those times i had to lose two close close frens.. all for u.. even after we broke up.. u made me lose another fren.. u never seem to stop trying to diminish my friendships, do u?
maybe i made the wrong choice.. maybe i shouldnt have believed all the sweet talk u gave.. wait a minute.. then there are the incidents of u being too busy for me.. honestly i shudnt hv gotten back shud i? cant blame u i was so stupid..i thought u were for real.. but it seems u rnt.. i thought u'd at least try harder but even from the start it seemed to me like i was a part time hobby.. y did i stay? did u think bout tht? thru it all.. i stayed.. thinkin it'll change.. that nothing stays the same forever.. but u still loved me in ur own way.. but it was just a childish,foolish dream..ill always rank lower than ur frens n ur priorities.. u!wont i?
i really hate u for bringing back the pain the hurt the misery.. all over again,... double the pain this time..thanks to the "wonderful" memoried the 1st time i broke up with u!u really noe which buttons to push dont u?
i totally understand aun jie rite now...dun bother to explain dun bother to say anything anymore.. n aun jie my dear u r rite.. dont ever ever.. give ppl like these a chance.. its better than takin a chance and gettin our heart trampled over once more...we will survive wont we??? n be happy doin it too...
i won't die without u.. don't u ever dare look at me with that kind of pretentious worry and concern u expressed just now.. or i mite really hurt u!one way or another...don't tell me u care..don't ask me if i'm ok with that stupid look upon ur face.. n no we can't be friends because unlike my exes.. u are truly an asshole.. u didn't care bout how i'd feel at all did u? all u saw was another opportunity for u to be busy.. i see it now.. u lost a job u got lonely? bored maybe? i can see im an amusement.. a form of entertainment.. well congratulations.. u got ur laugh.. and u have a great future.. i wish ull be happy i really do... i also pray u can sleep peacefully knowing that u tricked me over and over again..and i know ull be in bliss to noe now that u have even lost the little respect i had for u last time we broke up..thank u for hurtin me.. thank u for feeding me transparent lies that i could see thru... thanmk u for holdin my feelings in ur hands and playin with them.. thank u tremendously for all those hugs n kisses while u were secretly laughin at me..
i just want u to noe that i truly truly despise u.. maybe ill learn to forget.. but to forgive??? we'll just have to see wont we? lets hope i get lucky.....thank u for also making this very good day turn into a horible day.. thanks for startin my skul hols with a horrendous break up.. thanks for being a real jerk...